


Harbour

by orphan_account



Series: Restless Seas [2]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 07:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the things you treasure the most are the ones that have been in front of you the entire time, never realising how much safety they brought you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harbour

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!  
> So finally, FINALLY the sequel to "New Shores". I know, it took me ages, but I finally managed to bring it down to paper :)   
> So, hugs for everyone who guessed it right, but the sequel is about Fuma and Kento. It's the other side of the same story :) You don't necessarily need to have read the HokkuJesse Shot to understand it, but I guess it gives the whole thing a nice touch if you did ;)  
> Okay, talked enough. Enjoy! :D

Fuma’s POV

The day Sexy Zone’s debut was announced had been the worst day of my life. I knew that it was irrational – it was my debut and I should have been happy and proud and whatever you feel when everything you had worked for the last few years suddenly got rewarded… But instead, I felt like leaving Johnny’s Entertainment and locking myself into my room for weeks to cry.

Because I had not imagined my debut like _this_ , with a bunch of kids I did not even know, stuffed together in some kiddie band that would need years to prove anyone that we actually had talent, and with a band name that would bring us more than a few derisive comments. 

I had wanted to debut with B.I. Shadow – properly debut, not as background dancers of NYC. B.I. Shadow had been the perfect band for me, and the family I had always wished for. 

Kouchi Yugo had been this shy and insecure kid when he had joined us, but over the years, he had grown to be something like a reliable big brother – one I did maybe not always go to when I had problems because I was bad at expressing my feelings, but I knew that when I needed him, he would be there. 

Nakajima Kento had become my best friend the day I had joined the agency. There had just been something about his bright smile and his open personality that had made it hard to not trust him immediately, and ever since then we had been attached by the hips. Still, it was only a small comfort that at least he would be part of my new group, because even if Nakajima was there, it was still not B.I. Shadow. The family wasn’t complete if you only had one brother with you, was it?

And then, there was Hokuto. He had fascinated me from the moment I had met him. It was hard to put a finger on what exactly had made me watch him constantly for the past 3 years, but he had obviously put some kind of spell on me that was hard to break. 

Matsumura Hokuto was full of contradictions – he had been shy and so much fun to tease when he had joined B.I. Shadow, and the cutest kid I had ever seen, which was to say something, in an agency like ours. Then, over the years, he had turned into this sexy beast with a big mouth that would call you out for everything, and if possible, he had turned even more fascinating with that.

It had taken me years to realize what this thing I was feeling for Hokuto was. I had always tried to ignore it, not paying much attention to the nagging pain in my chest every time he smiled at me or the way my heart did funny things when he was too close. 

It was when Sexy Zone was announced, though, that I realized that I was actually in love with the boy. 

Because suddenly, being in a band without him had seemed like the worst thing that could happen to me. Not seeing his smile every day, not being with him through everything that was happening, through all the turns both in his life and mine… The thought was so cruel that it had almost hurt physically. 

Of course, it was Nakajima who had picked up on it almost before I had. 

“You love him, right?” he had whispered, speaking out the words just when it had started to dawn on me. “As more than a friend. I can tell.”

My answer had been nothing more than a retaliating sob, and Nakajima had reluctantly pulled me into his arms, comforting me silently. 

It was a good thing that I had had Nakajima with me through this time, because if I had not had him to talk to, and to lure me out of my depressions, going out of his way to invite me out, or if I was not in the mood, just burst in with a DVD and be _there_ for me, I was not sure if would have ever pulled out of this phase. 

And slowly, things had started to get easier. It was hard to dislike Marius, Sou and Shori, because even if I had not wanted to be put into a band with them in the first place, even if I had cursed them for being the ones to break apart B.I. Shadow – in the end, they were just cute kids who had been thrown into this band with us, not knowing left from right and probably being more terrified than us. And I had too much of a big brother instinct in me to just ignore them. 

It was not like I hated Sexy Zone, really. I had even started to grow fond of it, of every member and the time we spent together. 

But as much as I had started to accept my fate, Sexy Zone was not B.I. Shadow, and my feelings for Hokuto were not going to disappear just like that.

First, I had had difficulties to even look Hokuto in the eyes. Because even if it had hurt me probably just as much as him, it was him and Yugo who had been left behind by us, and I hated myself a little for that. Of course, they knew that, if we had been able to choose, we would have debuted with them instead. But life just wasn’t that fair, especially in Johnny’s Entertainment, and I had not been sure if our friendship would be able to withstand this kind of hard feelings. 

Also, the pressure of my own feelings had weighted me down so much that I had almost felt immobile in his presence. At first, I had felt like I was feeling something forbidden, even if Nakajima had hit me in the head (hard) when I had first voiced it, snapping at me to not be ashamed of who I was and what I was feeling. I was paranoid about Hokuto finding out about it, and being disgusted by my feelings. 

“That’s bullshit” Nakajima had scolded me more than once. “If you ask me, I’m pretty sure that he’s feeling something for you as well.”

“You’re only saying that to make me feel better” I had accused, and Nakajima had laughed bitterly and called me an idiot. 

I had woken up from this phase, though, when Hokuto was casted for Shiritsu Bakaleya Koukou. It was not only the fact that finally, Hokuto and Yugo were both recognized for their talent and I had less ground to feel guilty towards them… There was also something else.

B.I. Shadow had been our little family, and I had clung to that desperately even after our break up. And suddenly, Hokuto and Yugo seemed to have found a new family in the middle of their Bakaleya troop. 

It was not like I was not wishing them all the happiness they could have, but seeing Hokuto laugh with Lewis Jesse and all his new friends made me realize that maybe I could lose him to them. 

This thought had hit me so hard that I had tried to make a step forward again. To approach Hokuto more. To maybe make him understand just how important he still was to me.

But it felt like the more I tried, the harder it was to reach him, and it became increasingly frustrating. There was always someone by his side, and recently, I had noticed him growing more and more attached to Lewis Jesse, and even if I was maybe being oversensitive, I could not help but _notice_ the way Lewis was looking at him.

And how Hokuto was looking at him, too.

“I think he is going out with Lewis ” I told Nakajima one day in the dressing room, when the kids were busy shooting and we were left alone. When he did not answer, just continuing typing away on his phone, I frowned, snapping: “Hey, are you listening to me?!”

“I told you a thousand times to talk to him” Nakajima scoffed, finally looking up. “But you wouldn’t listen to me!”

“I can’t just go and confess out of nothing!” I protested. “You have no idea how it is to be in my situation! It’s easy for you to talk!”

I was not sure if I was annoying Nakajima with my insecurities or why he had looked so pissed at my words, but all he said as he turned back to his phone was: “Well, if you’re worrying about him going out with someone else, you have no chance but tell him what you feel. Otherwise you can’t do anything to stop him.”

His words hit deep, because I knew that he was right. Still, I was far from being able to confess my feelings, even if put on the spot like this. For me, it was all I could do to make these little steps towards him, hoping that, as if by some miracle, the perfect situation would arise and then, there wouldn’t be any more need for words. 

I should have known, though, that life did not work like this. Especially after Sexy Zone. 

It was on my birthday that the whole situation escalated. 

It should have been the perfect day, on which I was supposed to for once just forget about all my worries and my emotional crisis and spent it with the people I loved. And it worked out so well, at first. 

Nakajima had called right away at midnight, making sure to be the first to congratulate me and keeping me from sleep. 

“Yugo and I are also going to kidnap you after work so don’t you dare plan anything” he had joked, and I had felt giddy at the thought of just enjoying the day out with the guys. 

Even at the Shounen Club filming, everyone kept surrounding me, so much that Nakajima and Yugo had trouble getting to me to tell me that we would go to Karaoke later… I couldn’t help noticing though, that someone was missing, and that realization hurt a little.

It wasn’t until I bumped into Hokuto in the corridors later, deep in discussion with of course none other than Lewis, and I saw the confused look on his face, that I realized that he really and truly had _forgotten_ my birthday. 

“I can’t believe you forgot” I mock-glared, hiding the fact that I was seriously alarmed by the fact. “You are such a bad friend.”

Hokuto looked pained, but before he could say anymore, Yugo had turned up behind me and hit me in the head.

“Be understanding, will you?!” he chuckled. “He’s helping Jesse a lot lately! His exams are coming up!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry” Hokuto sighed, looking guilty. “I will make it up to you.”

Of course it was Lewis, I thought. It was always Lewis lately. I shot a quick look at the tall Junior next to him, who seemed to be not quite able to meet my eyes, before turning back to Hokuto, scrambling for a chance to somehow catch Hokuto for myself again. 

“Good” I smiled, more sure than I felt. “Nakajima and Yugo invited me out for some karaoke after the show. You want to come along?”

I could tell from the way Hokuto gulped and looked at Lewis that he had other plans, but for now, I just wanted to be selfish and stubborn. Because it was my freaking birthday and Lewis had Hokuto around so often lately and now he couldn’t even spare him for one night?!

Lewis seemed to read some of my thoughts from my face though, because he hastily said: “It’s okay. Go. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“But-“ Hokuto started to protest, before Lewis gave him a pointed look, nodding to me, and Hokuto fell silent after that. 

I tried to gulp down the guilty feelings as I checked hopefully: “So you’re coming?”

“I guess” Hokuto said quietly, and I smiled brightly, trying to ignore the fact that he looked not as enthusiastic as I would have liked him to. 

I was sure that things would somehow work out when we were out together. That his mood would lift and that he would stop thinking about Lewis, and maybe, think about me a little instead. 

But I could see that it was not happening. Hokuto was _there_ , but at the same time, he was not. His thoughts seemed to be somewhere else, and I hated it. It made me feel small and helpless, and insignificant. 

Just for tonight, could he not do me the favor and see _me_?!

It was Yugo, who finally brought up Lewis’ name.

“When is Jesse’s first exam?” I heard Yugo say just as I was fighting with Nakajima about what song to choose first. 

“Tomorrow” Hokuto answered quietly.

I was distracted long enough that Nakajima had already almost typed in a Hey! Say! JUMP song before I snatched the console away from him. 

“Do you want to be with him?” Yugo asked seriously, looking straight at Hokuto. It made me freeze, my heart stopping as I slowly looked up at Hokuto’s face.

It was written all over his face, and it made my heart clench just to look at him. At last, he made a face and nodded. 

“It’s just, he’s really nervous” he murmured. “He needs someone now.”

“Then why are you here?” Yugo scoffed. “Go!”

He bit his lip, looking at me. His eyes were pleading, and as much as I wanted to be selfish, as much as I wanted Hokuto for myself not only tonight but every day and forever, I knew that I could not win this. That I had already lost.

I sighed, putting the console back onto the table, feeling like calling it a night and going straight home.

“Is it okay?” Hokuto asked quietly, and the tone of his voice made me feel sick to the bones.

“Yeah, sure” I shrugged, nodding to the door, resigned. “I guess this is more important, after all.” _Lewis_ was more important than _me_ , in the end. I kept the words hanging in the air, but Hokuto did not seem to hear them. 

“I’m sorry” He said, sounding relieved as he grabbed his bag. “I swear I’ll make it up to you sometime.”

“Yeah” I sighed, forcing myself to smile. “Tell Lewis if he does not get a hundred percent, I will hunt him down!”

Hokuto chuckled delightfully, waving at us before storming out of the room. As soon as the door fell closed behind him, my smile faded as well. 

I could feel Nakajima’s eyes on my face, but I did not look up to meet them. There was an almost deafening silence before Nakajima grabbed the control and chose the JUMP song, after all, throwing Yugo the microphone. 

Nakajima and Yugo tried their best, but after Hokuto’s leaving, I could not get into the mood anymore. 

“Oh come on, not only Hokuto is your friend!” Nakajima snapped after a while when I skipped through the song list moodily. “We’re here, right?! We’re here with you! So can you please save the pouting for later and just have a nice time?!”

I looked at Nakajima pointedly because _what the fuck_ , he of all people _knew_ what was going on with me, and Nakajima met my eyes just as firmly, as if wanting to tell me that he was behaving like this _because_ he knew. 

We stared at each other like this for at least 10 seconds before Nakajima broke our contact with a groan, turning his microphone off and standing up.

“Then let’s pay and get home, there is no sense to this” he murmured, packing his things. Yugo sighed as he stood up to help him. I watched the two of them miserably, following after them.

There was a tensed silence between us as we made our way to the station. It took about two blocks until I finally had the courage to turn to Yugo and ask: “Say, is there anything going on between Hokuto and Lewis?”

Yugo blinked, looking at me like he was seeing a ghost.

“I’m not sure” he answered finally, his voice hesitant. “But I think Jesse likes him, and Hokuto…I’m not sure”

I just nodded, staring straight ahead, trying to keep a poker face. Nakajima was going a little ahead of us, not turning to look at me, but from the tension in his shoulders, I could tell that he was listening.

“Do _you_ like Hokuto?” Yugo asked finally, sounding as if he was almost afraid of the answer. 

I balled my fist, taking an eternity to finally make myself nod to affirm the statement. Yugo gasped, his eyes searching Nakajima, but he still had his back turned to us, not showing any reaction. 

“Do you think it’s too late?” I murmured finally, making Yugo look back at me. “Do you think that I already lost him to Lewis?”

Yugo did not answer, looking like he was overstrained with the situation, and it was then, that Nakajima turned around to look at me, face tense in anger. 

“It’s never too late until you confess!” he snapped. “How many times do I have to tell you to finally make your move?!”

Yugo stared at him, and it looked like his eyes were about ready to pop out of their sockets with how wide they were, but I did not pay him much mind as I glared at Nakajima, turning defensive. 

“And how many times do I have to tell you that it’s not that easy!” I groaned. 

“It IS easy!” Nakajima almost yelled, approaching me. “All this time, he never as much as went on a date with anyone! He was in no relationship, and he never claimed to be in love with anyone! There was nothing keeping you!” 

“You can talk!” I called angrily. “You don’t know how it is!” 

“And what if I tell you that I do?!” he yelled back. 

“Kento” Yugo murmured as if in warning, but Nakajima ignored him. 

His next words took me so off guard that I could only stare at him as he yelled: “I’m in love with you!” I blinked, his meaning not reaching me as he continued: “All this time, for years and years… All this time I loved you, so don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about!”

I was still staring at him, unable to even breathe, before I realized that he didn’t mean it. Could not mean it. He was only trying to prove me a point, that was all. 

“That’s easy to say, if you don’t mean it” I brought out finally, and Nakajima looked at me incredulous. 

There was a tense silence, in which Nakajima and I just stared at each other, before he broke our gaze, shaking his head and gulping.

“Whatever” he murmured, and the hurt look in his eyes hit me like a knife in my chest. 

_No_.

Nakajima turned his back to us without saying anything more, beginning to walk in fast steps. 

“Hey!” I called after him, wanting to follow him. “Nakajima! WAIT! What-“

But suddenly, there was Yugo’s hand on my arm, keeping me from going after him. 

“Let him be, for now” he murmured, looking pained, and I stared at him incredulous.

“He was joking, right?!” I checked, horrified. “Tell me that he was joking!” 

“He wasn’t” Yugo whispered, finally looking up at me. “He was serious, Fuma.”

“No” I murmured, still trying to deny the obvious, because _fuck_. “No!”

“He told me about half a year before Sexy Zone debuted” Yugo said finally. “I think he didn’t want to tell me but he was so down that day and I was there and… He did not tell me that you liked Hokuto, though. I always tried to encourage him to tell you, but-“

“He didn’t know back then” I whispered. “He figured it out by himself months later.”

Yugo cursed under his breath. 

“This explains why he was so dead set on keeping silent” he murmured. “He always told me he knew that you did not feel the same way but he never told me why… Well, now I know.”

Pictures flashed up in front of my inner eye – Nakajima hugging me while I was crying over Hokuto. Him telling me to confess to him. Him listening to my whining month after month. To imagine how he must have felt throughout all of this made it almost unable for me to breathe. 

_Damn_.

I turned to run after Nakajima, but Yugo held onto me tightly.

“Leave him!” he groaned. “It’s not like you can change it! Just give him some space and-“

“I _can’t_ , okay?!” I called desperately. “He’s my best friend and it’s _me_ who’s hurting him! I need to fix this!”

“This is not something you can just go and fix!” Yugo called. “You can’t make yourself love him and he can’t just turn off his feelings!”

“I KNOW!” I yelled. “I know, but… I just need to talk to him, okay?! I need to be there for him, because he was there for me all this time, and I… I just need to see him. You don’t understand!”

This time, Yugo let me fight him off, and I ran into the direction Nakajima had disappeared to with all my might. 

I finally found him inside the station, hovering on some bench, face pressed to his knees. I stared at him for at least a minute, trying to calm my breathing before moving to approach him. 

I sat down next to him and Nakajima stirred, sitting up awkwardly. We met eyes, and I realized with a blow right in the guts that he was crying. 

“Can we please not?!” he brought out finally, his voice broken. “I don’t think I can-“

“Yes, we are doing this now!” I said firmly. “We need to get this out for once and for all now, because you lied to me for way too long already.”

Nakajima scoffed, shaking his head.

“What should I have said?!” he demanded shakily. “ _’Hey Fuma, I know you like Hokuto and you can’t respond to my feelings, but just so you know, I like you!’_?! What sense would this have had?! It’s not like a confession would have changed anything!”

“Maybe” I murmured helplessly. “But-“

“We both know you’re into Hokuto and I can’t change that!” he continued, wiping at his face angrily but new tears kept falling. “So I wanted to keep it to myself, but earlier, I just… lost control, and…”

“I said awful things” I murmured ruefully. “I’m sorry, if I had known…”

Nakajima shook his face, and I looked at him, the way his eyes were red and swollen and his whole body seemed to be shaking… 

I wanted to hug him, I thought. And then I just did. 

Nakajima tried to fight me off for a moment, but I just held onto him tighter, running calming circles up and down his back. 

“I’m sorry” I brought out finally, and my voice broke too, my throat hurting and my eyes burning. “I’m so sorry for hurting you all this time. I kept whining to you about Hokuto, when you yourself… I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I’m the worst best friend ever.” Nakajima shook his head but didn’t say anything, probably was unable too, with the way he was still shaking in my arms. 

“I wished I could say I love you too” I continued finally, my eyes blurring with my own tears because it was true. Everything would be so much easier if I could just fall head over heels in love with Nakajima because he was _awesome_. He was always there when I needed him, knowing exactly when to push and when to just stay silent and comfort me. He always put the people close to him before himself, and he deserved someone who could love him with all his heart. 

My tears spilled as I realized that I really _wanted_ to love him. I really did, and I hated myself for the fact that I was still hanging after someone I could possibly never have. 

“You are important to me” I brought out finally, but it sounded more like a sob in between my tears. “You have no idea how much. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you. But-“

“I know” Nakajima whispered, and I held onto him even tighter.

I don’t know how long we sat there or how many trains we missed just crying in each other’s arms like this. 

It was Nakajima who finally pulled away, rummaging in his bag for tissues. He took some before offering the rest of the pack to me. I took them gratefully. 

We did not speak for a while, before Nakajima finally brought out, his voice rough: “I don’t expect anything of you, just so you know. Things will stay the way they are. We will stay friends.”

“Are you sure you can do that?” I asked carefully, and Nakajima scoffed.

“I’ve done it for so long now, why should this be any different?”

I wanted to argue with him because being secretly in a one-sided love and being rejected was definitely a difference, in my book, which was what had kept me all these months from confessing to Hokuto, but Nakajima continued: “I mean, it would be considerate of you to leave the Hokuto stories away from nowon, but-“

“How stupid do you think I am?!” I groaned, but there was no bite in it with my voice still crisp from all the tears. 

“Alright, so it’s a deal” Nakajima shrugged, wiping his face with the tissue again before throwing it into the dust bin. “Just forget I ever said anything.”

“You know I can’t do that” I murmured, and Nakajima chuckled bitterly. 

“I pretended for years that I didn’t have feelings for you” he said finally, almost smiling. “So the least you can do now is pretending that you don’t know I have them.”

I looked at him unhappily, and Nakajima stood up when a train was announced. 

“Come on, I want to go home” he demanded, not looking at me. 

I hesitated a moment before following after him.

This night, I did not sleep a wink, my thoughts revolving around Hokuto and Nakajima. How much both of them meant to me, so much that now that I thought about it, it started to blur into each other. 

With Hokuto, everything had started out with this crush I had not been able to place at first. We had been friends but being around him had always been exciting and thrilling and a little bit like a roller coaster ride, with all the emotional ups and downs. 

But I had always been awkward and nervous around Hokuto ever since I had discovered my feelings, so much that I had sometimes not even felt like myself.

With Nakajima, this was different. I had always felt safe around him, so much that I had never felt pressured to be especially hyper or especially talkative – he had been there for me whatever situation or mood I had been in, and I had never felt the need to act in front of him. 

Nakajima and I had been together ever since we had joined the agency, and it had always been natural for me that he would be around. I had taken it for granted. But now that I thought about it…

How would it have felt, had they separated me from Nakajima instead of Hokuto back then? Would I have been happier? Would it have hurt any less? 

… Or maybe even more? 

I did not know. All I knew was that I hated this. I hated being the one hurting Nakajima. I wanted to have him next to me, to see him smile, because when he smiled, it made me want to smile, too. 

He gave me a safety and warmth I was not sure I could survive without, whereas with Hokuto, everything had felt insecure and exhausting. 

Who was more important to me, in the end? Nakajima Kento or Matsumura Hokuto? I did not know. They were both important, in different ways. So much that my head hurt thinking about it. 

I had still not come to a conclusion the next day before dance rehearsals. I had turned up to have the manager inform me that Nakajima had called in sick, and the news were like another blow right into the guts.

Instead of Nakajima, someone else turned up, though.

“I’m so sorry, really!” Hokuto apologized, his tone pleading. “I am really a bad friend for walking out on you on your birthday, I guess…”

“It’s fine” I murmured, biting my lip and frowning. Nakajima’s words from last night came back to me. _“It’s never too late until you confess!”_

But was this even what I still wanted? I was not so sure anymore. Nakajima’s tears kept turning up in front of me again, and it made everything inside of me clench. 

It was then, that Hokuto’s phone rang, and he hesitantly got it out to shoot a look at it. As his eyes skimmed over the screen, a huge smile spread over his face, and I could not help but realize how _happy_ he looked. Happier than I had ever seen him before. 

When Hokuto caught me looking, he quickly packed the phone away, murmuring: “It’s just Jesse. He thinks he passed the exam.”

I continued to stare at him, before I blurted out, just like that: “Is there something going on between you and Lewis?” 

The blush on Hokuto’s face and the way his grin grew to a ridiculous amount told me everything I needed to know, really. 

“Is it that obvious?” he asked embarrassedly.

“A little” I admitted, surprised as a small smile slipped my lips. “You seem happy.”

“I am” he assured me.

“Good” I sighed. “Otherwise I’d have thrown a jealousy fit.”

Hokuto laughed and pushed at my shoulder playfully, and I laughed with him, his giddiness somehow catching. 

It was then, that I realized that it did not hurt. All this time, I had thrown jealousy fits over Lewis, whined to Nakajima over them… 

But now I was fine with it. Even though Hokuto had just told me that he was in love with someone else, basically confirmed that I had no more chances with him… 

It did not hurt at all. Instead, I had to think of Nakajima, and everything inside of me clenched painfully.

_Oh shit._

“Fuma?” Hokuto asked finally, looking at me with obvious worry, and I realized that I had frozen in my tracks. “Are you okay?”

“No” I murmured truthfully, a sudden panic flooding through me. “I think I made a terrible mistake.”

“Huh?” Hokuto blinked, but before he could say anything more, I had jumped up and grabbed my things. 

I took just a moment to notice that even Shori, Sou and Marius had turned to stare at me, before I turned to them and murmured: “Tell the manager I caught a flu or something. Please. I need to go.”

“What?!” They all called incredulous, looking panicked.

“I can’t explain now!” I murmured. “There’s just something I really need to do, and-“

“Go” Hokuto interrupted me, making me look at him. “Go” he repeated, his face dead serious. “I’ll cover up for you.”

I stared at him for a moment, before whispering: “Thank you”

“I want the details later” he warned with a small smile. “And now hurry to whoever you need to see!”

I gave him a small smile before sprinting through the door, keen on disappearing without meeting the manager.

I tried to call Nakajima as I sprinted to the subway, but his phone was turned off. The long train ride down to his part of the city was pure torture, and I was not even able to sit down, instead standing and tapping my feet impatiently as I stared at the little display over the door, waiting for the stations to pass. 

When I had finally made it to Nakajima’s house, I realized with a look at my reflection in a window that I was a complete mess – my hair was sticking to my face and I was sweaty and pale. I only had time to push my hair out of my face, though, before Nakajima’s mother opened the door.

“Fuma-Kun” she asked in surprise, looking at me in obvious worry. “Did anything happen?”

“No – yes – I” I frowned, making an effort to become coherent. “I need to talk to Nakajima.”

“He is asleep” she frowned, but stepped aside to let me in anyways. “We just returned from the hospital an hour ago, he has a high fever.”

Well, at least he had not skipped work because of me, I figured.

“Can I still see him?” I asked pleadingly. “It’s really important, and I swear I won’t keep him from resting, I just-“

“Okay” she sighed, nodding, and maybe I looked so out of it that she could really tell that something was off. “You know the way to his room, right?”

I nodded, thanking her before kicking off my shoes quickly and hurrying up the stairs. 

I stopped in front of the door to Nakajima’s room, hesitation for a few moments before knocking softly. When there was no answer, I called: “Nakajima?” but still, there was no reaction. I gulped before reaching out for the doorknob and turning it slowly, peaking inside.

The room was dark, the curtains closed, and Nakajima was lying in bed, obviously fast asleep. His face was red and he was shivering a little even in his sleep, and there was a water bottle and a few packs with medications on his night table. 

I slipped into the room silently, closing the door behind me and crossing the distance between us. I bent down to be able to touch his face, stroking his bangs out of his eyes, feeling the way his skin was burning up from his fever. 

Nakajima stirred at my touch, slowly opening his eyes, needing a while before his weary eyes focused on me. 

“Fuma?” he whispered weakly.

“Hey” I said softly, stroking his cheek gently, an alien wave of protectiveness washing over me. “I’m sorry to burst in so suddenly.”

“What are you doing here?” he croaked, his voice rough and he moved to sit up, but my other hand flew to his shoulder, holding him still. 

“I needed to see you” I murmured, somehow unable to keep my fingers from skimming over the skin of his cheekbones. “I have to tell you something. But maybe I should wait until you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah, I’m not skipping work if that’s what you thought” he murmured, closing his eyes. I smiled a little at that.

“I figured that out by myself, thank you” I teased. 

“Is this the part where you tell me you confessed to Hokuto and he loves you, too” he murmured without opening his eyes. “Because if it is, tell me now and don’t make me wait.”

My hand on his shoulder tightened a little as I shook my head, before realizing that he still had his eyes closed. 

“No” I said indignantly. “That’s not it at all.”

When Nakajima still didn’t open his eyes to look at me, I took a deep breath before leaning in and brushing my lips against the skin of his temple. I lingered a little, feeling the butterflies in my stomach and smiling a little because this felt so _right_ and nice. 

How coud I have been so blind to not see it before?

When I pulled away again, Nakajima was staring at me with wide eyes, his expression incredulous. I smiled softly, continuing to stroke his cheek.

“Sleep now” I suggested. “We’ll talk later.”

“I’m dreaming, right?” he demanded, and it made me chuckle, and I bit my lip as I shook my head. “This is a dream” he said firmly, rolling to his back and closing his eyes again, making my hand fall from his face.

“Whatever, I don’t care if I have to tell you over and over again when you wake up” I smiled, moving to stand again. “I will make you believe it’s real sooner or later.”

Before I could stand though, Nakajima’s eyes had shot open again and his hand had grabbed my wrist. I looked at him questioningly.

“No matter if this is a dream or not” he whispered, looking at me. “Can I be a little selfish for once?”

“You? Always” I smiled, and Nakajima looked into my eyes before tentatively lifting the blanket. 

I got the message, sighing as I climbed in next to him, settling next to Nakajima’s body.

“You’ll explain to the manager if I catch anything” I joked, but I didn’t exactly worry about being sick as my hand found Nakajima’s waist and I pulled him closer to me. 

He smiled, pressing his face into my shoulder, and for a moment, I could feel his heart beating so fast from where my arm was lying over his chest that I wondered if he could even fall back to sleep like that, but then he relaxed against me and was out in a minute. 

I smiled, wrapping my arms around him, not caring that hugging him felt practically like hugging a hot water bottle right now because the knowledge alone that it was Nakajima that I was hugging and how that made me feel was enough to make me think that maybe, fate didn’t hate me so much, after all. I had just always refused to properly look. 

I spent a while just watching Nakajima’s face, letting my feelings wash over me why I did and marveling in them, and I must have drifted off at some point as well, his soft breathing and the warmth of his body lulling me to sleep, because when I woke up again, it was already dark outside, and the house was quiet. 

I turned a little, trying to peak at the clock when I spotted a post it on Nakajima’s night stand.

_“I called at Fuma-Kun’s house to tell his parents that he would stay over tonight. When I looked into the room and you two were sleeping I did not have the heart to wake you :-)”_

I blushed a little, smiling to myself, before catching the time and realizing that it was shortly after midnight. 

I turned back to Nakajima, and my smile grew as I watched his peaceful face again, my heart almost bursting with all these feelings I had not been aware of but now that I had set them free they almost smashed my chest with their intensity. 

I brought one hand from his back to his face again, brushing the bangs out of his face, feeling his temperature. He seemed quite back to normal by now, as I was relieved to find out. 

At my touch, he stirred, his eyes slowly fluttering open. I waited patiently until his eyes focused and landed on mine.

When they did, he froze, staring at me for exactly 4 seconds before jerking violently and pushing against me, making me roll back in reflex and fall off the bed with a loud and painful crash. 

I groaned, hearing Nakajima move about in the bed, and when I looked up again, he had scrambled himself up into a sitting position, staring at me with wide eyes.

“What are you doing here?!” he demanded, his voice high and rough either from sickness or sleep. 

“Keep it down, I think your parents are sleeping!” I warned. “And did you already forget?! I came to see you earlier because you called in sick! And because I wanted to talk to you?!” 

“And how did you end up in my bed?!” he demanded, and I blushed, spluttering: “ _You_ asked me to get in!”

“I – I thought I was dreaming” Nakajima murmured, frowning as if something was coming back to him, and I sighed, sitting up from my position on the floor and crawling closer to the side of his bed. 

“I told you that it was real” I murmured quietly, looking up at him. He only met my eyes hesitantly, obviously overstrained with the situation. “I think we have to talk” I said firmly, hesitating for a moment before adding: “Kento”

Kento’s eyes grew wide at the sound of his first name, but even if I felt a little embarrassed, I liked the way it rolled off my tongue. It felt so much like a step into the right direction, to break down the walls that I had accidentally built between us. 

“I think I made a mistake yesterday” I said finally, gulping, but my throat felt dry in nervousness all of a sudden. “I made a mistake when I rejected you.”

Kento only stared at me, before bringing out, no louder than a whisper: “What are you even talking about?!”

Okay, so this was a lot harder now that he was actually awake, I realized as I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the discussion I should have known that would come. 

“All this time I thought that I was still in love with Hokuto” I murmured, trying to scramble for words to explain something I did not quite understand myself. “But yesterday, when I heard of your feelings and saw you crying, I… I began to think, and I noticed that something was not right. That you are more important to me than Hokuto in the end.”

When Kento did not react right away I continued rambling, mumbling: “Just so that you know, this has got nothing to do with Hokuto and Lewis being an item now!” 

I realized the second the words were out that they were a mistake, because Kento raised his eyebrows at the information and frowned, asking quietly: “So he rejected you?”

“No!” I said indignantly, sensing into which direction his thoughts were going. “That’s not it at all! I didn’t tell him anything in that direction, because I didn’t feel the need to! I kept thinking about you, and-“

“So what you want to tell me is that Hokuto told you that he was in love with Jesse” Kento pinpointed. “And so you thought you would come to me since you had no more chances with him?”

“NO!” I said loudly, not caring if his parents heard me because what he was thinking was just plainly _wrong_. “Do you really think I’d play you like this?! You are way too important for me to just use you like this! So please trust me a little!”

“But this doesn’t make sense!” Kento argued, equally desperate. “I’ve watched you for _years_ and I could _see_ that you were looking only at Hokuto! If you had looked at me this way only _once_ I’d have maybe exerted more effort in winning you over, but I just _knew_ that I didn’t stand a chance because _I_ _know you_! So how did you suddenly come to the conclusion that you are having feelings for me, in the end?!”

“I don’t know, okay?!” I groaned in frustration. “I don’t know how it ended up like this, but I know that when Hokuto told me that he was with Lewis, he could have as well talked about the weather or whatever because it didn’t bother me at all. I felt not a thing. And with you, even though I was not aware of it before, I just feel so much and… I don’t _know_!” I said desperately. “But I know that I like you and you kept going on and on about that I should tell the person who’s important to me that I like him! So now I’m telling you!”

Kento gulped, only staring at me. 

“And you have feelings for me, too, right?!” I checked. “I mean, I know you weren’t lying, even if I was too slow noticing, but you were saying the truth, so why can’t you just be happy that I like you back, even if I didn’t realize it right away?! Why are we fighting now?!”

Kento still didn’t answer, and I sighed, making a face as I scrambled to my feet. 

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked earnestly. “If you need some time alone, okay, but then I’ll come again tomorrow and the day after and the day after until you believe me that I like you!”

I met his eyes, and was surprised to see the corners of his mouth twitch in something like amusement. It made me freeze and stare at him.

Finally, Kento said: “I’m not as slow as you.”

I did not get his meaning at first before he reached out to grab my wrist, pulling me towards him. I let him pull me onto the bed before he pushed me into the cushions, making my heartbeat speed up as I looked up at him. 

Kento was leaning over me, his eyes skimming over my face, but he made no more move to approach me further, one hand still clinging loosely to my wrist and pressing it next to my head, the other lying on my shoulder. Everything about his expression was screaming in nerves and hesitation and it was kind of adorable and made me smile, even though I was nervous myself. 

“You can kiss me now” I said finally, my free hand wrapping around his waist, pulling him further into me. “I want you to.”

Kento gulped, and then his grip on my wrist tightened before he bent down. I closed my eyes, anticipating the moment until his lips finally met mine. 

My whole body tingled at the sensation, and my heart was about ready to jump out of my chest with the way it was racing. Kento kissed me softly, only brushing his lips against mine slowly and gently, but it was so much and so intense that my hand automatically strained against his hold, wanting to break free. Kento’s fingers loosened around my wrist and I think he was about to pull away but I immediately wrapped my arm around his neck and met him halfway, crashing our lips together harder. 

Kento gasped against my mouth, but I continued kissing him eagerly, and he held onto my shoulder tightly, the fingers clasping the fabric of my shirt as he kissed back, the kiss turning deeper and more intense with every passing second. 

It was him who ran his tongue against my lower lip first, and I moaned softly before opening my mouth, allowing him entrance. 

When his tongue touched mine I felt it so deeply through my body that all I could do was moan and cling to him more tightly, fisting the silky strands of hair under my fingers. Kento made unintelligible noises in my arms before his fingers started to wander down my torso. Finally, he found the hem of my shirt, slipping his fingers under it, tracing my stomach and my belly button. 

I shivered involuntarily and Kento began to pull away. I unconsciously tightened my grip on him until he gasped: “Air” into our kiss and I finally loosened my grip at least so much that he could break the kiss, though I could still feel the small puffs of air against my lips. 

“This-“ Kento gasped, apparently having trouble finding words. “You-“

“I know” I nodded, no need for him to elaborate. “We are awesome together. Always have been.”

That made Kento cracked up, and he laughed as he pecked my lips lightly. 

“Says the one who was convinced of being in love with Hokuto until yesterday.”

“Well, why did you need so long to open my eyes?!” I scoffed, poking his ribs, making him squirm. “This is all your fault.”

Kento looked at me unimpressed and I had exactly 2 seconds to brace myself before his fingers duck into my sides, finding my ticklish points immediately. I screamed (more girly than I was comfortable with), and Kento hushed me frantically, reminding me that his parents were sleeping. I buried my face in his hair and tried to dampen my laughter, and Kento wrapped arms around my shoulders, holding me tightly in his embrace. 

“This is really nice” he murmured after a while, when I had calmed down. “I always fantasized about this, but I never thought that I would actually have a chance.”

I stroked his strands away from his face softly before kissing his temple, lingering.

“I’m sorry for making you suffer” I whispered against his skin. “I swear I’ll make it up to you from now on.”

Kento smiled, turning his head to brush our lips together again. 

“And how?” he enquired, breathing the words into the kiss. 

“I have an idea or two, if you’re fit enough for it” I murmured, grinning, and Kento grinned back before engaging me into another proper kiss.

Apparently Kento’s sickness did not bother him that much anymore, at least not for what I had in mind with him, so I continued kissing him hungrily, my hands starting to wander over his body as well. 

I had known Kento for 5 years, but now I learned to know a new side of him, and this side had me fall for him all over again, if I hadn’t already long before without knowing.

Kento’s fingers had always been skilled, but the way they skinned over my skin now was something else, touching me just right and driving me into one shuddering fit after another, goose bumps spreading over my skin and my toes crawling from his attention.

Kento’s voice had always been special to me, because we had sung together for so long that it had always been a source of calmness and comfort for me. But the way his voice hitched now when I pinched his nipple, or the way he moaned lowly when I touched him just right was something that had my nerves soaring for a different reason. 

And his expressions. The way the soft brown around his pupils darkened in pleasure and the way his eyes fluttered closed, his full lips opening in a silent moan. I had always heard people say that Kento looked sensual, but I had never let my mind wander this far. 

How much time I had wasted, seriously. We could have been doing this for years already. 

My mind was beginning to blank more and more the more clothes we shed, though, and the more Kento’s hands wandered downwards. I began to really develop a thing for his hands and the way they touched me, playing me better than any piano. I wanted these fingers everywhere, so after a while, when it all became too much, I moaned helplessly “Touch me.”

Kento looked up at me in confusion because he already had his hand on my erection and the other was stroking up and down my sides, but I opened my legs wider wordlessly, signaling him exactly what I wanted, and Kento’s eyes grew wide in understanding.

“Are you sure?” he murmured, bending down to kiss me again. 

“Yes” I breathed against his lips. “I want you.”

Kento exhaled stutteringly before kissing me deeply, pressing his body against mine. I moaned when his erection slid against mine, jerking my hips upwards automatically, and Kento whimpered low in his throat. 

His hands started to rummage in the drawer of his bedside table. I did not have the heart to look up at what he was doing, continuing to kiss him, and it was only when I heard a lid being popped open that I opened my eyes and craned my neck to see what he was doing.

“I don’t have anything else” he murmured in apology as he squeezed a bit of body lotion into his hands. 

“It’s okay” I said quickly, knotting my fingers in his hair and pulling him back into another kiss.

I jerked a little when I felt his slick fingers trace my hole, the feeling weird and intense, but I just focused on kissing him, ignoring my nerves. Others could do it, so I could as well. Plus, I would have trusted Kento with my life. 

Kento’s fingers circled my entrance for a while, almost feeling like a tease, before he slowly and carefully pushed one inside, circling it. I felt my whole body tense against the intrusion, but Kento stroked my hair out of my eyes and kissed over my face, giving me room to breathe, and it felt okay pretty soon. 

I began to relax when Kento found the place right behind my earlobe, sucking on it, and he pushed in a second finger, scissoring them. It made me moan helplessly, the feeling not uncomfortable at all, not anymore. I was torn between wanting him to keep going like this because his fingers were long and slender and felt amazing inside of me, and wanting him to stop and replace his fingers with what I felt poking into my thigh as he returned to my mouth to kiss me again.

It was then, that the tip of his finger grazed something inside of me, and I squirmed, whining against his lips. Kento pulled back immediately, watching my face, but when he carefully stroked that point again and I clung to his shoulders, almost crawling out of my skin with pleasure, understanding dawned onto him. 

“You don’t know how hot you are like this” he whispered, his expression full of awe, and he continued fingering that same point, making it almost too much to bear.

“If you don’t stop right now I’ll finish just like this” I gasped. “Kento, please-“

At my pleading, Kento finally removed his fingers, sliding his body up a little, frowning as he tried to find the right position. In the end, he pulled a pillow out of the mountain of deco pillows he kept in his bed, urging my hips up to keep it under the small of my back, making access for him easier. It was then, that I finally felt his tip poking my entrance.

“Ready?” he whispered, and instead of answering, I pulled him into another kiss, pushing my hips against his the same moment Kento began to push forward. I moaned as he slipped in slowly, pulsing inside of me, feeling so amazing that my whole skin tingled from it. 

He broke the kiss to burrow his face against my chest, choked noises slipping his lips, telling me just how much being inside of me affected him. We stayed like this for a moment, and it felt like Kento needed that time to regain his self control. 

When he leaned up to kiss me again, starting to pull out just to thrust back in right away, he seemed to quickly find a rhythm that he could keep, but his hand was still shaking as it clung to my waist, telling me just how much going slow like this was a strain on him. 

I held onto him tightly, keeping our kiss going even when it started to become more of a tangling of breath and tongue than anything else, getting lost in the feeling of him moving inside of me. 

I had never known anything could feel so _good_. 

It was when Kento found that one spot inside of me again that everything became too much. Kento kept his lips firmly on mine to shut the noises I could not help making, and his rhythm became increasingly desperate. 

“Fuma” he moaned against my lips after a while. “I’m going to-“

“Me too” I moaned. “Just a little more, I – _Kento_ ” I whimpered as he thrust in even harder, hitting me just right, and then I was gone, feeling Kento loose it just in the same moment I did.

When we came down again, Kento was lying in my arms, having collapsed onto me completely, apparently all strength having lost his body. 

I smiled as I watched his face, running my fingers through his sweaty hair. With a pang of guilt I remembered that he actually was sick.

“Kento?” I whispered softly. “Are you okay?”

“I-“ Kento started weakly, but only hummed, not finishing the sentence. I was not sure if I was supposed to be alarmed or reassured by that. So I waited for a minute or two before moving, making Kento lie down next to me when his weight started to become straining, throwing the pillow under my hips into a corner of the bed. 

Kento snuggled into me immediately, and I let him rest his head on my arm, watching his face.

“Sorry for putting you through so much” I whispered quietly. “I swear I’ll take better care of you from now on.”

Kento smiled, murmuring sleepily: “I like it when you’re like this. Sweet and caring. And I like it when you say my name.”

The words made me smile as well, even if he didn’t open his eyes to see it. I leaned over to kiss his cheek, whispering: “Kento… I love you…”

Kento did not react, probably having fallen back to sleep already, but I didn’t mind. I would tell him tons of times from now on anyways. 

Predictably, Kento and I both had a fever when we woke up the next morning. Kento’s mother scolded me halfheartedly when she saw my condition, but was firm in calling my mother to pick me up, even when Kento argued with her if I couldn’t stay. 

In the end, she won, of course, and we both had to stay away from both work and school or university for the next 2 days. When we were allowed into society again, it was for this month’s Poporo shoot. 

Kento was already in the dressing room when I arrived, and luckily enough the others seemed to be late, so when he turned to smile at me with those big happy eyes, I couldn’t help but cross the distance to him and pull him into a deep “good morning” kiss. 

“Hi” Kento said when I pulled away, his tone amused, and I chuckled, pulling him into a tight hug. 

It was when we heard a familiar chuckling voice that Kento jerked, and I frowned, not letting go as I looked towards the door.

Hokuto was peaking inside, grinning widely, Lewis in his shadow, seeming a little stunned. 

“I was going to ask you for details about your sudden departure a few days ago, but I think I just got my answer” he snickered. “Don’t let me interrupt you two!”

“You already did” I threw back drily, biting my lip to keep from smiling. “Go make out with your own boyfriend somewhere!”

“I will!” Hokuto laughed, sticking out his tongue before pushing Lewis down the hallway. “And I want a double date soon!” I heard him call as his footsteps faded. 

I laughed as I turned back to Kento, catching him as he watched me curiously.

“You’re really okay with this, right?” he murmured hesitantly. “This is not-“

I clicked my tongue in annoyance, leaning in to kiss him again, short and sweet. 

“I’m more than okay with this” I murmured as I pulled away, smiling. “Hokuto will stay important to me, he is a great friend and my first real crush, but he’s not _you_. You’re making me who I am. No one can top this.”

Kento gulped, before pulling me into another deep kiss. I could feel his pulse racing where I touched my palm to his throat, making me smile.

I did not care if I had to tell Kento a hundred times until he believed me – I would tell him how much he meant to me until I was able to give him the same safety he had given me ever since I met him. Because I had taken too long to understand just how important Kento was to me myself. 

And as I kissed him like this, I felt like we had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? Please let me hear what you think :D (Also, I let Kento top for the first time and I want opinions :P)


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